Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
