I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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