I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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