You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
