We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
