I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
