I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
