R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
from now on my penis is your penis
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
