After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
