I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
