Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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