i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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