i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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