Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
