i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
