people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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