Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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