roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
