Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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