Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
