I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize