We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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