Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
