Can i not drive my cunt home
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
