Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
