he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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