Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
