happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
