Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Did I show you my penis last night?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
