Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
