i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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