I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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