So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
