My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
