Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I am midnight drunk by noon
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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