my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
