Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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