I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
