I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
