I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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