The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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