He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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