I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
