is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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