So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
