thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
