Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
