when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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