you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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