you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
