in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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