the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
