Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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