no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize