god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
