When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
