Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize