he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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