I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
