would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
