if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
this must be what syphilis tastes like
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
